EXPOSITION:
The year is 2056. The summer, humid breeze sweeps through the palm trees
scattering bits of dirt to the sand. The glistening ocean sways with the hungry
red, orange and blue fishes, the rough hard-shelled tortoises and the prickly
golden blowfishes. Rebecca Viviano, a twenty-one year old Italian with brown
wavy hair and green eyes, laid her body against her little mermaid beach towel
watching kids splash in the cooling water.
INCITING INCIDENT:
An hour of tanning, she decided it was time to go surfing. She went to the
parking lot, grabbed her burgundy customized board from her Jeep and straddled
toward the 75 foot waves. White, stringy haired and nicely tanned guys,
brunette, tall and experienced young women’s jumped into the water eager to
ride the biggest wave they can. Rebecca placed her belongings on the sand, took
off her white slouchy shirt, and exposed the Hawaiian flowered bikini.
RISING ACTION: As Rebecca was waiting
for the perfect wave she sees a grey object eroding from the water. She decided
it was nothing since all the years she’s been surfing she’d never seen anything
bigger than a catfish. Each time she caught a wave she felt she gotten a little
bit better, progressing and learning from her mistakes. A few hours in the sun
began to exhaust her and she soon paddled toward the beach. She caught a
glimpse of the same grey object from before but this time only 20 feet away. She
paddles the opposite direction her heart racing a little bit faster. Up, down,
up, down, the indecisive object followed her. 15 feet, 10, 8, 4.
CLIMAX: She was vigorously
splashing the water, pulling the water as much as she can hoping the strange
object would get frightened. She called out for help but there was no one
nearby. She stopped to look behind wondering if it’s still chasing her. Nothing.
She peered out into the deep blue ocean but couldn’t find a speck of grey. She
turns around! This hideous long snouted creature stared her down with its brown
eyes. It’s the size of an 18 wheeler and weights no more than five tons; the
creature was so fat you think it wouldn’t be able to keep itself afloat. It looked
very similar to a hippo… a sea hippo. This ferocious creature flew up in the
air, shadowing her with its wide open mouth. The beating of her heart might’ve
stopped a few times and Rebecca was blanked with fear. A split second before
the sea hippo could touch her; the water beneath her began to move in a
circular motion. Faster and faster it would spin and soon drag her down to the
ocean floor leaving behind the sea hippo.
FALLING ACTION:
Rebecca woke up to a white stoned glass room. She wasn’t in her bikini anymore but
in an elegant white dress. The room smelled of freshly picked roses and to the
corner of the room laid her burgundy customized board. She walked over to the
window and by surprised, and was face to face with fishes, sea giraffes, and floating
palm trees. Buildings covered with algae seemed to go on for miles. A palace? Like
the ones in the movies? A maid came into her room asking her to dinner with the
King and his family. She was welcomed with steaming food and flaming lit
candles. All her questions were distracted by the beautiful room guarded by sea
fairies. She took a seat across from a man who looked like the Prince; dressed
in a nicely ironed tunic, with his dirty blonde hair ruffled to the side. He was
beautiful. His father called him Jean Luc Bilodeau. She automatically fell for
his sparkling blue eyes and his warming gestures. Dinner passed and she decided
to explore the palace. The architect of the building amazed her each time she
went into a different room; the details were so precise. She saw the Prince
coming toward her way and began to go the opposite direction, ignoring his eye
contact. He caught up with her and asked her where she was going. She ignored
his question and responded with questions of her own. He said it was late and
asked her to join him for breakfast the next morning and he will explain
everything.
RESOLUTION: A year
passed and she completely fell for Jean Luc Bilodeau. But the only thing that
was aching her heart was her family and friends. The prince said if she ever goes
back to them she will never be able to visit the palace again. She was stuck to
decide on her friends and families or the love of her life. The prince saw how
hurt and sad she was and searched for ways to solve the dilemma. He went to his
father begging for advice; the King saw how much this meant to his son and
responded with a gesture of his two fingers to follow him. They walked passed
two wide pillars, across a bridge, up 5 levels, and into a library. They
casually walked to the technology section; the king skimmed the row of books. He
came across an old ragged book; placed his index finger on the top corner of
the book and half pulled it out. This caused the bottom of the rack to unfold
another but small red book. The king carefully took it out and opened it to the
245th page and skipped to the 3rd paragraph 5th word.
Mermaid. He whispered it and suddenly appeared two rings. The king faced his
son and told him it’s important to make the right choice. The ring allows two
people to see each other no matter how far apart they are, as long as they both
have the ring on. But the catch is that when the human place the ring onto
their finger for the first time, they automatically transform into a mermaid; the
creator of the ring had a mermaid obsession. The prince went back to Rebecca
holding the two rings and told her what must be done. She accepted and
magically transformed into a mermaid (describe the transformation). She went
back to her friends and families and told her about her adventure and apologized
for being away so long. Her mom was confused and said she’s only been gone for
5 hours. She was so relieved and hugged her mom.
Every other month
she would visit Jean Luc Bilodeau and they lived happily ever after.
I like the spin on a classic fairytale and your original creatures.
ReplyDeleteI think the part where he comes across the mermaid rings is a little blunt and confusing.
I think that you should explain how she turns into a mermaid more clearly.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteCool idea, I would definitely read the finished product :)
ReplyDeleteI am a little confused though. How/why did the whirlpool suddenly appear to take her under and away from the sea hippo? Was it intentional (did someone try to save her) or was it just a coincidence?